DZYS

You are at the bookstore, and you suddenly glimpse an attractive person near you in the same aisle. You would love to initiate conversation but you don’t want to come off as cheesy, pushy, or desperate. You are not alone. Luckily, there are three very natural tactics to break the ice without sounding cheesy, pushy, or desperate.

Ask a Help Question

Try playing dumb. For example, next time you’re at a coffee shop with your laptop, you can ask anyone near you the innocent question, “Is your internet working? Mine seems really slow…” You may have the fastest internet connection in the world, but that doesn’t matter. Your sole mission is to start the conversation. If you successfully ignite a conversation, in the end, no one will care or remember how it started.

These help questions work well because they are safe and give you permission to pop the bubble that exists between strangers. The other person won’t feel awkward responding to something so innocent (and you won’t feel awkward asking!). Additionally, these questions are easy to answer. The last thing you want to do is force the other person to answer a challenging question.

If they are interested in talking with you, you’ll know. If they respond with a terse, “Mine is fine” and look back down at their laptop, then you can take that as a closed door to conversation. If you receive a warm reception – even if they cannot help you – you have officially popped the bubble and are free to ask follow up questions. You could then follow up with, “Yours is? You’re lucky…maybe it’s just my computer… I really need to buy a new one…do you like your Toshiba?”
You get the idea.

Let’s look at a few more examples. Remember, you may know the answer, but that’s not the point!

At a convention or event: “This food looks good…do you think we can start eating yet?”
Near a festival: “I wonder what’s going on down there?”
Concert or convention: “Do you know when ____ is supposed to start?”
In the city: “Do you know where I can find a Verizon store around here? Mine is giving me issues…”

What are You Thinking?

If you prefer the more subtle route, you can try simple spoken out-loud comments. Next time you sit down in a public environment, trying saying something like, “Wow it’s cold in here…” or “I’m so glad this place has outlets…” Like the help question, these comments will never be remembered; they simply let others know that you are open to conversation. If someone else feels like talking as well, they will respond to your comment with their own comment (e.g. “Yeah, I was thinking that too.” or “Yeah I wonder if they are going to turn up the a/c anytime soon.”).

Find an Accomplice

What if you are not ready to fly solo? Sometimes it helps to find an accomplice for your ice breaking mission.

Go out with your friend, and start an interesting conversation near the stranger. Maybe you’re shopping for a shirt at your favorite retail outlet, and an attractive stranger is nearby. If you have an accomplice with you, then it’s natural to start a conversation about the shirt; talk about how you feel about it, how it looks, how much it costs, etc. It’s far easier to invite someone to join an existing conversation than to start from scratch. If you and your friend are debating whether to buy the tight red shirt versus the tight blue shirt, it’s a fairly easy segue to asking the stranger for their opinion.

Talking to strangers doesn’t have to cause a panic attack if you keep the approach low-key and low risk.

1. London (3) – Kate Middleton and Alexander McQueen help raise the City to No.1 status.
2. New York (1) – New York is strong but London has Kate. ‘Nuff said.
3. Paris (4) – No. 1 in our hearts but No. 3 in the media.
4. Milano (6) – The Earth has returned to its proper orbit:  The Big Four once again occupy the top four spots.
5. Los Angeles (5) – LA solidifying her hold on No. 5.
6. Hong Kong (2) –   Down from No. 2 but tops again in Asia.
7. Barcelona (10) – The Queen of the Iberian Peninsula. Once again.
8. Singapore (15) – Up seven spots and into the Top Ten.
9. Tokyo (14) – Third Asian city in the Top Ten.
10. Berlin (18) – Completes a long climb into elite status.
11. Sydney (7) – Drops a bit but leaves Melbourne in the dust.
12. Madrid (11) – Iberia now has two cities firmly ensconced in the top echelon.
13. Rome (22) – The Eternal City set the tone for fashion throughout the Empire for a millennium.  Today the tradition continues, though on a smaller scale.
14. Shanghai (12) – Shanghai shines along with Hong Kong in the Middle Kingdom.
15. Monaco (Debut) – The principality debuts at No. 15 more than doubling the ranking of the next newbie.
16. Las Vegas (16) – Las Vegas and Monaco virtually tied on the Top Fashion Capitals ranking.
17. Melbourne (9) – Though a top twenty fashion capital, slips a bit in its on-going battle with Sydney (No. 11).
18. Moscow (20) – More billionaires (79) call it home than New York City and its continual move up the fashion rankings reflects it.
19. Amsterdam (17) – Moves up two spots ; now No. 10 in Europe.
20. Buenos Aires (24) – Dramatic rise as she moves into the Top 20.
21. Bali (32) – The world is discovering the allure that has been a quiet secret for centuries.
22. Mexico City (29) — The vast metropolis now claims the No. 2 spot in Latin America.
23. Rio de Janeiro (19) – Ever readying for the Summer Olympics, also strengthening its fashion knowhow beyond swimwear.
24. Mumbai (28) – Mumbai is beginning to display the swagger of old Bombay.
25. Sao Paulo (13) – A burgeoning fashion scene and a bustling fashion industry.
26. Miami – More than just swim- and leisure-wear town.
27. Dubai (21) – Tops in its region but feeling the pressure from intense global competition.
28. Stockholm (33) – Stockholm and Copenhagen both moving up in tandem.
29. Copenhagen (34) – Up five on the rankings, as was Stockholm.
30. Santiago (31) – A strong No. 5 in the Latin America  region.
31. Florence (Debut) – Firenza undergoing a Renaissance in 21^st c. fashion.
32. Bangkok (35) – Quietly moving up the rankings.
33. Warsaw (36) – No. 2 in the Middle and Eastern European region.
34. Toronto (38) – Now known for more than its fine Film Festival.
35. Vienna (27) – This once Imperial City is staking a 21^st c. claim in its own right,
36. Chicago (38) – City of the Big Shoulders stretching out toward word-class fashion.
37. Dallas (40) – For Western Wear, please see Fort Worth.
38. San Francisco (Debut) – Makes the list, like Austin, for it quirky, eclectic style.
39. New Delhi (30) – A strong, emerging presence on the Global Fashion scene.
40. Austin (Debut) – Eclectic? Outlandish? Even Green Fashion?  Austin has it all.
41. Johannesburg (25) – Maturing fashion industry a boon to a city in transition.
42. Abu Dhabi (Debut) – Attempting to break into the world of fashion at the highest ranks.
43. Frankfurt (38) – Holding its own amidst a thriving European fashion scene.
44. Antwerp (Debut) – The legend of old becomes the reality of today.  A fine debut.
45. Atlanta (40) – Learning the ropes of competing globally, with a definitely Southern flair.
46. Cape Town (23) – In the process of gaining evermore attention for a worthy effort.
47. Krakow (38) – One of the world’s cultural treasures with a penchant for the eclectic.
48. Prague  (26) –Bohemian fashion influence is moving into its 2^nd millennium.
49. Montreal (Debut) – A strong debut into the Top Fifty.
50. Caracas (40) – Despite internal turmoil, fashion savvy can be hard to ignore.

Top Fashion Capitals by Region:

Europe (12):  London, Paris, Milan, Barcelona, Berlin, Madrid, Rome, Monaco, Amsterdam,  Stockholm, Copenhagen, Florence.

Middle and Eastern Europe (5):  Moscow, Warsaw, Vienna, Krakow, Prague.

North America (11):  New York, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Miami, Toronto, Chicago, Dallas, San Francisco, Austin, Atlanta, Montreal.

Asia (5):  Hong Kong, Singapore, Tokyo, Shanghai, Bangkok,

Subcontinent (2):  Mumbai, New Delhi,

Oceania (3):  Sydney, Melbourne, Bali.

Latin America (6):  Buenos Aires, Mexico City, Rio de Janeiro, Sao Paulo, Santiago, Caracas.

Middle East and Africa (4):  Dubai, Johannesburg, Abu Dhabi, Cape Town,

Once a week, I disconnect my modem and “disappear” from the Internet. I don’t check my e-mails, I don’t tweet or share anything on Facebook, I don’t surf. And unless I’m expecting any urgent messages, I even turn off my mobile phone. My decision to go on a weekend digital sabbatical is my way of balancing my tight schedule and quieting my monkey mind.

Social web strategist Gwen Bell is perhaps one of the most popular proponents of the digital sabbatical. For the whole month of July, Gwen decided to get unplugged and vowed that for the whole month that she won’t check e-mails, tweet, read blogs or do any digital work. She instead used that time to know more about herself and go deeply into her personal relationships.

I always wanted to do something like that as I’m now preparing to write a book on travelling solo as a woman. That, however, is not possible at the moment given that my work as an online content marketing strategist involve blogging and hanging out on social networking sites.

So I had to settle for a mini-digital sabbatical. And I believe that you too, busy career professionals who want to reclaim your time, will benefit from going on a mini-sabbatical. Go on a Sabbatical in 5 Steps . That said, preparing for a mini digital sabbatical still entail some preparation – it’s after all difficult to go unplugged even for a day as we’ve all been used to being connected all the time. Here are 5 easy steps that you may want to do before you turn off that router.

1. Determine why you are going on a mini sabbatical
If you don’t know why you’re doing something, then you won’t likely pursue it. Write down the reasons why you want to go unplug on weekends. If you think these reasons are worth it then that will encourage you to keep on track.

2. Set the date
Put it down in your calendar and schedule when you plan to do this sabbatical. I usually go on sabbatical on weekends as I seldom work on those days – hence, I have no excuse to check my e-mail and it becomes easier. Also determine how long do you plan to stay unplugged – one day, four hours, the whole weekend? You need to know when it will start and end to keep you focused.

3. List down the activities
What do you want to do once you stay out from the Internet? The sabbatical is the perfect time to work on a personal project which you always wanted to do but never had the time. Or you can use this to relax, or talk – in person – with your family and friends. One thing I look forward to in my mini sabbaticals is that I can use it to read books, watch dvds and just have coffee with my friends – the conversations alone beat mindless chatting in social media sites.

4. Make yourself accountable
Resist the urge to just check on your e-mails by finding a way to manage temptation. Turn off the router or put your laptop under lock and key. I take away my modem’s charger (I put it in a kitchen drawer) so that I won’t be tempted. You also need to enlist the help of your family and friends – tell them when and why you’re doing this sabbatical so that they can help you to be on track.

5. Take it one step at a time
If you think you’re not prepared to go on a mini sabbatical but is still keen on going unplugged then consider reducing your Internet usage hours. For instance, if you’re used to spending ten hours online, then you can perhaps cut it down by two to three hours on weekends. Just continue doing this for the next few weeks, cutting down the hours further and you will be surprised that just out of habit, you have learned to live one day without getting in the Internet!

The key to time management treating time as a finite resource. We need to use time based on how it will help us achieve our goals and bring happiness to our life. Once you try going on this kind of sabbatical you will be surprised on how much time you’ll be able to save and develop a deeper relationship with your friends and family.

I do not have a daily routine. I no longer need one.

I do, however, have habits on which I focus every day.

Don’t get me wrong, I used to have a daily routine — before I quit my six-figure job to pursue my passions and live a more meaningful life. And I hated that routine. Every day felt like Groundhog Day: awake to a blaring alarm, shower, shave, put on a suit and tie, spend an hour or more in mind-numbing traffic, succumb to the daily trappings of emails and phone calls and instant messages and meetings, drive home through even more mind-numbing traffic, eat something from a box in the freezer, search for escape within the glowing box in the living room, brush my teeth, set the alarm clock, sleep for five or six hours, start all over again in the morning.

That was life most days. The same thing over and over and over. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

And then last year I decided it wasn’t for me anymore. I realized working 60 to 80 hours a week to make the money to buy more superfluous stuff didn’t fill the void I felt inside. It only brought more debt and anxiety and fear and loneliness and guilt and stress and paranoia and depression.

So I canceled my routine. Or, rather, I traded in my routine for better habits.

It didn’t happen overnight, but over a few years I pared down my possessions, got into the best shape of my life, paid off my debt, jettisoned my TV, eliminated Internet at home, left corporate America, started pursuing my passions, stopped buying junk, and started living a more meaningful life — a life focused on growth and contribution.

During that time of personal growth I developed new habits I love, habits I look forward to each day, habits that make me happy: exercise, writing, reading, establishing new connections with people, and building upon existing relationships.

I am also developing the habit of contribution. I believe giving is living — we don’t feel truly alive unless we contribute to other people in meaningful ways. Donating time to Habitat for Humanity, local soup kitchens, and various other community organizations has been a starting point on my journey towards developing this habit. I also enjoy contributing to the readers at our website and inspiring them to change their lives, much like Leo and Zen Habits inspired me to change mine.

Many readers ask me what my typical day looks like now that I’m no longer forced into an unnecessary routine. My answer is always the same: every day is a blank page, although there are habits I act upon daily.

Presenting last Thursday as an example, this is how I enjoyed the day:

I woke at 4:50am without an alarm, excited and refreshed. These days my habit is to wake when my body tells me it’s rested. But there is no routine.

I ate a banana, drank a cup of coffee, then wrote from 5am to 11am. As I primarily write literary fiction, I prefer writing in the morning when it’s quiet and I’m closest to the dream world. My writing room contains only a desk, a chair, a laptop, and my notes — the only things I need. Nothing else. There’s no phone, no Internet, no clock — no distractions. Just me and my habit, which I enjoy immensely. Each day I write until I don’t feel like writing anymore. But there is no routine.

After a writing-fueled morning (interrupted only by push-ups every hour or so), I walked to the neighborhood park and alternated between pull-ups and push-ups under the midday sun. Exercise is important for me, and I enjoy it daily. But there is no routine.

I showered, dressed (jeans and a T-shirt), and walked to a local burrito joint to eat a modest, vegetarian lunch. I eat when my body tells me I’m hungry, irrespective of the time (I don’t own a watch). Some days I eat lunch at noon; other days I might eat at 10am or 3pm. But there is no routine.

After my meal, I walked to my favorite coffee shop, ordered an herbal tea, used their Internet connection to check my email and publish some writing online, then visited with some of the regulars (as well as some strangers). There were 37 emails in my inbox, which was okay as I only check email two or three times per week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But there is no routine.

After two or three hours on the Internet, I walked to a park, sat on a bench, and read a novel while the sun set fire to the sky. Some days this habit invites me to devour chapter after chapter, hour after hour; other days I read for only half an hour. But there is no routine.

After a few chapters, I hit the gym with my best friend (and online writing pal), Ryan Nicodemus, and enjoyed some cardio and weight training. We habitually visit the gym four or five days per week. We drop by at different times each day. But there is no routine.

Throughout the day I made sure I was hydrated. Besides coffee and herbal tea, I drank only water. No alcohol. No sugary drinks. No soda (or ‘pop,’ for those of us in the Midwest). I attempt to drink my body weight in ounces of water each day, which isn’t always easy — so sometimes I drink only half that. But that’s okay: there is no routine.

I own a car, but I didn’t drive it on Thursday. I didn’t need to. It was a nice day, so I walked instead (even though Dayton, Ohio, isn’t exactly the most walkable city in the world). Some days I need to drive to where I want to go; other days I can walk. But there is no routine.

Later that evening I enjoyed dinner and a conversation with a friend, and afterwards we walked to a local concert. Other days I might watch a movie at the indie theater or visit a friend’s house or spend time in an art gallery or volunteer a few hours of my time, all habits I enjoy. But there is no routine.

After the concert, I walked a few miles by myself, gathering my thoughts. It had been a beautiful day, followed by a beautiful night — a denim sky illuminated by a waning crescent moon, a million diamonds afire, and the prospect of a new day at midnight.

The good news is my life is no different than yours, minus the routine. Sure, the details are different, the circumstances are different, but we all have the same 24 hours in a day. We all have one life to live, and that life is passing by one day at a time. The only real difference lies within the decisions we make and the actions we take.

Joshua Millburn writes essays with Ryan Nicodemus about minimalism and living a meaningful life with less stuff at The Minimalists. Follow him on Twitter or subscribe to his website.